Fucking hell, get on with it Jon.
Who needs to hear about what we’re going to be doing in this two hour workshop for the first half hour of said workshop? Mind you, I am writing this as the session is in progress so at least I’m making use of the time. I’ll join in when he stops pissing about. The only person with their camera on is Nigel, who’s staring down into the lens, mostly bald with a croaking toad like neck and a creepy half smile. That’s brave of you Nigel. Turn the camera off though. Please.
He turns out to be a welcome distraction.
After twenty minutes, my very fuzzy brain forgets which platform this is on and I look for a way to fast-forward. Jon unknowingly calls me out , “you’re probably judging this session already, it’s really hard not to judge and that’s okay”. I observe my judgement as he suggests. I approve of it. This present moment is very dull Jon so I’d rather not stay here thanks. I’ve got lots of editing and other homework to do.
By 10:34 it’s really starting to drag and now I’m in a dilemma. I want to leave and just do ten minutes on my Calm app, but with so few attendees, Jon would notice my sudden disappearance. Would I be struck off his list? What list? Do I leave whilst he’s got his eyes closed? There’s flickers of light in Nigel’s corner, I’m pretty sure he’s watching TV. Jon’s kids are getting a telling off from his wife. A shame he can’t mute on his end too. He doesn’t even seem to want to shout at them all to shut the hell up. I do.
He must be very mindful. Maybe I should be listening.
The slideshow moves on. The line drawing of a lady sat in a chair doing a ‘body scan’ looks rather worried, holding one hand stiffly, as if ready to karate chop anyone who interrupts her. I feel seen by her, I’d quite like to ninja my way out of this zoom. The freight train goes past, returning from it’s coal delivery, and I find myself wishing I was riding on top of the train. Where ever it took me would be more interesting than this.
Instead, I confirm my email to sign a petition, mindful that I ignore the plea for a £4 donation to the cause, pop downstairs, have a kitchen chat with my housemates, and in the end I leave Jon and Nigel on my laptop and head out to get a much needed mocha.
Be mindful enough to leave. And read all the details before signing up.
Thank you to Nigel for inspiring this bitesize post.
Watch my comedy sketches on your lunchbreak here : Sarah’s really really good show !